Wednesday, January 19, 2011

i wish i was still sleeping

Well I really thought that by keeping Nugget up an extra half hour she might have slept a little later this morning.. not so much. 7:15 rolled around and she started screaming "mamamamamama" into the moniter. Good thing I actually slept last night, aside from waking up a few times to knee Todd in the ribs because he sounds like a damn freight train.

I'm determined to make peanut butter cookies today, you know, those ones with the hershey kisses in the middle. Because if I don't, I'll end up eating that whole bag of hershey kisses I bought and my stomach won't be very happy with me, neither will my scale for that matter.

I don't know how many more times I can watch the "Honk, Honk" episode of Fresh Beat Band. It's the only thing that Nugget gets completely into though while I get started on school and house work.. that's right, I said school work, thanks to my english professor who thought it'd be cool to start class a week early.

Well, as the Fresh Beats are telling me... "it's time to get into gear", which means it's time to get up off your ass and start getting things done so you can nap when Nugget decides she wants to go down. Sounds like a plan.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

thanks taylor, you made me cry again.

I know, why am I making another post? BECAUSE IT'S MY BLOG, THAT'S WHY! :)

Music, certain songs in general, have been making me very emotional lately. For example, since when does my T-Swift start making me cry when she sings "Mine"?! Thanks to me stumbling upon some happy information this past week, all these love songs, songs about babies growing up and just going through changes in general, I'm a emotional wreck.

To be honest, I wish I could just put Nugget at a standstill and she could stay one forever. I want her to always want snuggles and cuddles with her mommy, always get excited when daddy comes home from work and always be elated to turn off her bedroom light and take a tubby. Maybe when she's sixteen she'll still get excited if I let her turn off the bedroom light.. that will probably mean she has some serious developmental issues though.

As for all the love songs making me turn to mush, here it goes. I feel like I've been through so much in my twenty-one years. The divorce, living half-way across the world, rough times with my family, countless meaningless relationships with boys who's hearts I broke, relationships that consisted of nothing positive and broke me in a million pieces, and friends who I've lost and found then lost again. After going through all these things I have no choice but to look back and thank every single person who made me cry, made me mad, made me hate the world. Because every single moment in my life good or bad, has led me to the one moment that changed my life forever. A decision that some may call crazy or even rediculous, led me to the happiest times in my life, and to a loving and caring guy who I don't think I could have really lived life without. Not to mention I got Nugget from all this too.

That being said, I'm appreciating now more than ever the fact that I have what most people at my age are searching for. And that is the love of their life. I appreciate knowing I have someone to come home to, knowing that someone thinks about me throughout the day, knowing that someone can't sleep without kissing me goodnight, knowing that someone wants to spend the rest of their life with me even though on some days I act like I belong in a mental institution. For all this I'm thankful and so greatful. And that is why Taylor Swift has been making me cry.

Alright, enough enough enough.

See ya! <3

frozen feet

Ella's napping (thank the lord) and I find myself having nothing to do. This really makes me wish school had started yet. But once school starts you'll hear me constantly say that I wish it was summer. Even though I don't have a "summer" anymore because I take summer courses too. *sigh* Ya gotta do what ya gotta do I suppose.

The job search continued today and still, nada. It's getting really aggravating because as much as I appreciate the financial (and mental) support from Todd, it's time to stand on my own two feet, it's been time for over a year now. And for someone who's worked pretty much every job on the planet, I have some experience and it sucks that I can't find something still!

I don't even know what the point of this post was. I think I'm just bored because Nugget is still sleeping. And my feet are cold and I'm way too lazy to put socks on.

Thank you small iced coffee with skim milk and three sugars for making my belly hurt. Just want I needed right now.


hellos and maybe goodbyes

Alright, so if you're reading this I'm hoping you know who I am. If you don't - I'm Jordan, and not sure why you'd be reading this if you didn't know me. But yes, it's me. 20-something mom to an independent little lover of the Fresh Beat Band, happily (almost) engaged to the love of my life and working my tush off in school (or at least trying to).

Oh and I'm Emetophobic. Huge part of my life, look it up.

I decided to start blogging because well.. keeping a diary is so middle school. So people might read this, and they might not. Either way, this is me, this is how I feel and this is what I'm going through.

Tomorrow is the start of what I hope will be a whole new life for myself. No, I'm not selling my first born for a crazy amount of money or leaving my love for some hollywood actor. I'm re-starting my road to being healthy. Healthy not only physically but mentally. I'm done worrying about and analyzing everything that happens. I'm scared but it's change and change is good. (Oh, and I'm also slightly scared for how bad Jillian Michaels will be kicking my ass when I pop her DVD in tomorrow morning.)

So the journey begins...

oh and please always remember-